Response to Belle

Belle has kept her blog going despite announcing the end of it in 2005. The increase in frequency of posts has coincided with book launches and now she is posting regularly in the run up to the start of the ITV2 serialisation of her books/blog starring Billie Piper.

Don't get me wrong, I've found her writing very entertaining and her opinions vis-a-vis the world of sex work I have a lot of time for.

Her latest post is a really amusing 10 commandments for prostitutes, resonating the advice for drug dealers provided by the deceased US rapper, Notorious B.I.G.

So what I thought would be really amusing would be to add my comments to her commandments:

Rules one to three I cannot comment on. I guess three, Don't Tell No-bo-dy nuthin, I abide by as a punter. No-one who knows me knows my punting activities. Why would I tell?

Number four: know you heard this before / Never get high on your own supply
Controversial. Some people insist that they enjoy work sex in the same way as the unpaid variety, but like Biggie I beg to differ. Work sex is performance art, with emphasis on 'performance' (and also 'art,' but only if you consider Penthouse Forum 'literature'). Orgasms are for boyfriends.

Numerous occasions working girls have had orgasms whilst being paid to have sex with me. Fantastic acting, maybe. But the girls who squirts - no acting there.


Number five: never sell no crack where you rest at ie don't do in-calls

I think it depends. Girls who are in London for the work only and live in the place they take in-calls is kinda understandable/acceptable. Thai girls I have been seeing use the flats they stay in for work. They've told me the troubles they have had but largely they get away with it. But I guess these aren't permanent places of residence, most of these girls are on the verge of deportation anyway, so I get Belle's point.

Number six: that God damn credit, dead it / You think a crackhead payin you back, shit forget

it...or to put it another way - no money, no honey. Cash up front. Always. Every time. Everywhere. No exceptions.

I have lost count of the times where the the service has been provided before the cash has been handed over for those regular girls I see. But never on a first visit. It's one of those factors that mark out a real GFE.

Seven: this rule is so underrated / Keep your family and business completely separated

Wow, I like this man! Shame he died before he could write the next self-help bestseller. Again, I so totally agree. Interviewers always ask whether my family ever found out - the answer is no. I want my parents to know their eldest daughter accepted money for sex... err, why exactly?

Amen. Picture the scene at chez Papa and Mama James:

Mama: " James darling why don't you ever bring home a girlfriend?
Papa: "you're not a pufter are you boy?"

Me: "relax, mater and pater, I have a full and active hetero sex life, just its with hooker."

Number eight: never keep no weight on you / Them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jobs too

Not a lot to add to this. I've heard from girls of the occasions they have been ripped off but haven't been able to do anything about it. Like Belle says, girls need to trust their instincts and rely on their own resources.

Number nine shoulda been number one to me / If you aint gettin bags stay the fuck from police (uh-huh)

Yeah, most of the girls I see are more worried about the immigration service.

Number ten: a strong word called consignment / Strictly for live men, not for freshmen

The phrase 'call girl,' in case you'd wondered, means you're on call. Available. When the phone rings, you're already preparing yourself to say yes. So, keep this in mind: one date does not a regular make. Not even two at 9 pm on consecutive Wednesdays. If someone wants the right to reserve your time, he has to prove himself trustworthy. You don't want a late cancellation to mean you can't pay the rent that month.

Yeah, had to watch this one myself as I've made appointments with special girls and had to cancel at the last minute. No good. I know it can cost them. Answer: make it up to them in every way you can.

J